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Slut-shaming doesn't work.
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As I mentioned in a previous post, I grew up in a strict Roman Catholic household, and I'm not sure how much you know about Latin values, but at least where my family's from, female sexuality may as well be the devil.
It took me a long time to be willing to have sex with my first boyfriend, but given that I was expected to wait until marriage or face a lifetime of shame, I only wanted to do it when I was absolutely sure we wouldn't get caught.
Well, we did, by a friend of mine, who decided to tell some people who didn't like me, who made sure my mother found out. So all hell broke loose, I ended up getting called a whore by my mom and grandma for years (not all Latin households are like this, but it's a fairly common thing), and the people who told them made sure I was tormented around school about it, even though it wasn't uncommon.
Anyway, the moment I could get away from that house, I did (that's not by any means the only reason), and I ended up basically leaning into what by that point had become my reputation (I'd only had sex with one guy, but I was a slut, apparently).
I discovered how much I loved alcohol, and I ended up going home with a lot of guys I met at bars. I discovered how much I loved giving head during those years, and I racked up a pretty significant body count.
I'm not ashamed of that in any way that isn't the residual cultural way. I don't think having sex is wrong. Granted, I don't believe in God (which is another thing that's a big no-no for a Latin household), so I don't believe anything that doesn't hurt anyone is wrong.
It ended when I got pregnant. That was hard, because I had to face the consequences of my actions and raise a child whose father they'd never know. But I can honestly say I don't regret it. My kid is the most beautiful thing in my life.
I couldn't stop drinking. I didn't touch it during pregnancy and I said I'd quit forever, but I didn't. I did stop the bar life and the random guys, though. Porn isn't much of a substitute, but it'll have to do.
My point in all of this is that I might have done everything I just talked about anyway, but constantly being told I'm a bad person for wanting to have sex didn't stop me from wanting to have sex.
The more taboo you make something seem, the more your children (especially when they're teenagers) are going to be drawn to it. If you don't attach grand biblical morality to taboos, but rather talk about them for the actual, real conseqences they can have, it'll have a better effect on your kids.
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Posted on : Feb 21, 2024
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Commented on Mar 9, 2024
There is nothing shameful about embracing your sexuality.
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Commented on Feb 22, 2024
Good on you for finding your own path, and doing it rationally and with fearless logic.
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