The truth is the first time I was with another man I felt very guilty about what I had done, and the fact I enjoyed it so much. I drank most of a bottle of gin that night, and went on to drink most nights, because I kept on cheating and feeling guilty about it. I even asked my manager for adivce on how to get over the guilt. I was cheating on my husband with him on every work day now, and he was kind enough to pay most of the money for my breast surgery. He told me it would be a lot safer if I took valium when I went home, and talked to a docotor and get antidepressants prescribed, which I did, and it helped a lot, but I still felt sick with guilt from time to time. 

 Eventaully once I started seeing more than just the manager at the hotel I asked each man I was with advice on how to stop feeling so bad about what I was doing. One great man told me to start reading a very old French author called Marquis De Sade, and I did. It was all about living for pleasures sake, why you should not feel guilty about doing immoral things. I don't need the drugs anymore, those books took a while to sink in, but they saved my life, and I have never been happier.