From the Secret Mushroom Club Archives: 

The base ritual is simple, intuitive, automatic. Mine against yours, penis to penis, testicles to testicles. Until surrender or satisfaction, that is, to be beaten flaccid or demonstrate (ejaculate) involuntarily. Poke, prod, probe, stab, jam, swing, slam, press, rub, grind, pulse, and so on. A fight for superiority that we all understand in our deepest primal brains and loins each time a rival’s genital heat warns us of impending attack. The is winner rewarded with with showers of ejaculate from his peers and a tense but deferent envy from his defeated rivals.

Not so intuitive are some of the lessons learned from experience. It’s not always the girthy slabs of endless vein-covered inches that triumph. Mushroom Club veterans know a long, heavy slab may strike hard but often burdens the wielder against more compact and agile stiffies. A tightly tapered glans finds the tender space between shaft and testicles much more easily and can hold a rival at its mercy as it digs in relentlessly, stiffening more with each pulse and thrust. Surprisingly many more find themselves relieving the incessant ache that creeps slowly into the prostate with strong jets of ejaculate onto their rivals rather than by loss of vigor. A loss nonetheless and their tools eventually hang limp over their rivals’ victorious poles. 

Respect is paramount. Approach your rival flaccid and hung low in the sack. Wait for him to address you with slight head to head contact, perceptible but without any intent to strike. Sense the energy and then begin your preen. All eyes will be on your weapons, eager to see them flex, bounce, and swing as they transform into turgid lances ready to probe their way to victory. A true champion learns to win the preen through subtle artistry that conveys brutal masculinity capable of conquering any challenger.

The base ritual has one simple rule: win by inducing demonstration (ejaculation) or surrender (loss of erection) in your opponent. Literally, beat his cock into submission with your own. Generally speaking, forcing demonstration is considered a superior win and wearing a rival’s sperm on one’s erection often receives higher praise. However, central record keeping makes no distinction. 

Post-victory, the winner will mark his rival in one of two ways. Most common in the modern era is simple demonstration on the defeated genitals. The recipient must make himself available and remain limp for marking by his rival and subsequently any non-combatant observers wishing to show support for his performance. Official ranking matches will then be certified by the club Dean marking both parties. They both must promptly retreat into their jumpsuits and exit the ritual room.

More traditional clubs allow for a mounting phase. Both rivals must consent to the mount “before firm contact of heads,” according to club  rules. Prior to the mount, each rival must be successfully penetrated no further than the flare of the glans by the cellar’s Dean. Post demonstration or surrender, the losing party must face the wall and expose his anus for the mount. The winner must then formally “declare,” that is, verbally announce each of the four steps in the mount: breech, push, declare, demonstrate. This is one of the few times that talking is allowed in the ritual room.

During the “breech,” the winner is given three attempts to enter his opponents anus. He must enter completely hands free though he may use his hands to stabilize his rival for entry. The club Dean supervises and judges what constitutes an attempt. The Dean indicates successful entry by touching his glans to the penetrating rival’s shaft. If there is no successful entry after three attempts, the Dean will invalidate the mount and preceding cockfight win by marking the penetrator.

The “push” consists of seven inward strokes of the penetrator. As he is inserting, the mounting rival must cause his testicles to make contact with his recipient on at least one of the strokes. If he makes contact on all seven, his win in the cockfight will be recorded regardless if the mount is not successful. Pushes may be executed in any manner so long as the glans remains completely unexposed. A stroke is considered complete at the instant of retreat, however, there is no limit on how deep or how long a push may go. Contrarily, the push is strictly limited to seven strokes, and violation of this rule requires rear tenting by the Dean while the penetrator is still mounted. The Dean’s duty is to push into the penetrator’s plugs with extreme force until his erection subsides and he withdraws himself fully flaccid.

A rival may only declare when he is ready to demonstrate. Any time between the beginning of the push and before demonstration, the penetrator must say the following phrase: “This rival has been conquered. I now withdraw.” This is the point of no return in which the winning rival may pulse twice while still inserted, but then must withdraw and turn completely toward the Dean to complete his ejaculation without using his hands. A successful mount is rewarded by the dean who will rest winner’s cock on his own while observers demonstrate on it as a sign of respect. The Dean finally certifies the mount with his on cum.

Many question why such peculiarities in the Mushroom Club. Often Deans attribute the longevity of the club and base concepts to its restrictive and ritualistic approach arguing that “clubs find their members because they understand without being taught.” The archives are full of anonymous stories of members saying the rigid culture of compliance just spoke to them and gave  meaning and shape to a previously vague compulsion to join male genitals. There may never be a satisfying answer, but the Mushroom Club continues to recruit.