In this outing report, I go into more detail about how my being a beta makes itself felt. Admitting that I can never physically and mentally match alpha men is not that easy. After taking several online tests and reading various articles about the differences between alpha and beta men, not only on sites with a sexual background but also serious ones, the last spark in me to fight against it now and then has been extinguished. Everyone has a more or less defined role in life and there can't just be alpha men. Before I go into the sexual things that out myself as a beta man, I would like to go into the non-sexual things for a better understanding.

In the relationship, I believe in equality even in the most mundane things of life. I support my wife in the household, often let her decide what we watch on TV, where we go out to eat, what we do in general. I even share my salary with her. If my wife has any wishes, I try to fulfil them as far as possible. On the whole, I give back a lot voluntarily and without a fight. Not just for reasons of harmony or because I don't care in some respects, but also because I like doing it. It is clear to me that these are all things that an alpha male, at least in this way, would not do. My wife sees it that way too and is aware of it.

Every now and then, which she doesn't mean in a bad way but rather to tease me, she tells me that I'm not a real man. At first I resisted these statements and denied them in a huff. But the more I let her words run through my head, the more I became aware of them, seen from a completely neutral point of view. When your wife tells you which men she finds attractive and you realise that they're all the alpha male type, it's not exactly good for your ego. But that's what spurs me on to try to compensate in other places.

In my professional life, the same picture emerges. I am good at what I do. However, I find it incredibly difficult to speak in front of other people, to stand up for my opinion, to lead other colleagues, etc. I have to do all this from time to time, but it's a big struggle with myself. I have to do all this from time to time, but it's a big fight with myself, which is not always successful. Every time I am in such situations I realise that I was not born for this. My manager is the prototype of an alpha male and, like my wife, he has also let it be known, although not as directly as my wife, that he thinks I am too soft. He is tall, has very masculine features, a strong voice and is the type of dominant doer who can assert himself anywhere and gets whatever he wants. It's not unusual for my head cinema to jump on when I masturbate and imagine my boss fucking my wife and her really enjoying and appreciating it.

Sexually I am just one thing, submissive. When I think about it, some of this was already apparent when I was a c***d. I discovered very early, I think I was 10 or 11 years old, that I like the feeling of nylons and that I like women's feet and heels. At that age, maybe 1-2 years later, I started to wish that an older, very fat friend would sit on me and use me for her pleasure. A curious sex desire also arose here. I was a fan of the Power Rangers at the time and had several dreams of having sex with, I think his name was, Lord Z. I can still remember which one. I can still remember the horny feeling I had when I was inside him and he took me and humiliated me.

My weakness for women's feet, women's shoes and nylons became much stronger in my teenage years. Although I always wanted to have sex, to fuck a girl of the same age, I always wanted to spoil her feet first. My submissive tendencies also became stronger and stronger. In my late teens, my desire to please an older woman, to do whatever she would ask of me, was greater than just having normal sex. During this time, a friend's mother and I played in the same hobby team. Whenever I went to her place, she always took me with her in the car, I hoped she would seduce me. After sports, when we were both back in the car, I hoped she would ask me to pamper her sweaty feet. Of course, neither happened, but my longing to be the passive part grew and grew.

In addition, my sexual experiences and my first sex were also directly negative. I didn't get hard with my first girlfriend. We both wanted to have sex for the first time but he stayed limp. My girlfriend was very frustrated and I was too. We stayed together only a few months after that. We satisfied each other only orally. Neither of us tried vaginal sex again. This did not happen to me with my second girlfriend. We experienced a lot together, from vaginal to oral and anal sex. It was just the standard stuff, but it was great to experience it all for the first time. But she always remarked that her ex-boyfriend was better hung and his cock was much bigger. The break-up was due to family matters. With my third girlfriend, it was wonderful everywhere at the beginning. She did say that I was coming a bit too early for her liking, but that was okay. But after only a few weeks, she hardly wanted to have sex with me anymore. That led to arguments and ultimately to a break-up.

With my fourth girlfriend, I was treated really submissively for the first time. At the beginning of the relationship we had normal sex. At some point I confessed to her that I liked women's feet, something I had never done with any girlfriend before. She began to love it. Loving it so much that the sex became less and less. Since she didn't give head but wanted to be licked, my sex life consisted almost entirely of feet pampering, licking and jerking herself off. I hated it at first to have almost no vaginal sex anymore. But over time I learned to deal with it until it became normal. As if that wasn't enough, I overheard her secretly texting and meeting other men. I imagined them having fun and I might even have licked them on days when they had sex with each other. The relationship broke up relatively quickly, but not only because of that. When we were separated, however, I noticed how the angry feeling at the thought of her having sex with someone else gave way and it excited me more and more. But I dismissed it as an inexplicable feeling.

I then became a complete submissive beta with my current wife. I also had normal sex with her in the beginning. Later there was more and more, we experimented a lot and she always gave (and still gives) me the feeling that I could try anything with her or at least talk about it. We had less and less sex relatively quickly. In the course of the relationship it also turned out that she is the dominant sex part and enjoys it and I am the complete opposite. I am the submissive man who is at her service and only does what she wants sexually. This development was very liberating for me. I no longer had the stress of normal sex. I didn't have to be careful to come too early or that my best part got very stiff. I didn't have to be sexually assertive and do things she might not want just so I could have satisfaction. I could just let her do it and follow her. We both loved (and still love) it.

Over time, I confessed to her sexual desires and dreams, each of which were incompatible with those of an alpha male. She knew this, I knew this. It was particularly difficult for me to confess to her that I have very strong cuckold tendencies and would more than indulge her in another man for sexual gratification. I knew that she not only thinks my cock is too small visually, but that she can hardly feel it inside her. I also come very quickly, which got worse over the years. In addition, my wife now knows that I like to wear lingerie and she often finds me at home dressed accordingly. So it's not surprising that I haven't had vaginal sex with my wife since mid-January 2015. She loves it when I finger and lick her. She loves it to spoil herself with the dildo, the vibrator or the shower head. That's why she loves it that I am submissive, not begging for vaginal sex and we have sex the way she wants it with me.

I myself have noticed that I no longer need or even want vaginal sex or sex with a woman. I now much prefer jerking off to fucking. That's why I don't miss anything here. In addition, I prefer to pamper rather than come myself. I'd rather spoil my wife's feet for hours and then lick them to climax than let her have a go at me herself. This has gone so far that naked women, with the exception of their feet, no longer excite me and my cock doesn't get hard. The idea that this (or my) woman is being fucked by another man, preferably a black man, excites me incredibly. Admittedly, it also excites me immensely to wear lingerie and to satisfy myself like a woman. When I anally penetrate myself and hold a vibrator to my cock, my horniness almost explodes. Meanwhile, I love to see my sperm running out of my flaccid cock.

In summary, I can only say that I am happy as a beta man, after originally disliking the idea of being one. The more you fight against your inner self, the more unhappy you become. I have had to experience this painfully for long enough. You can try to a certain extent to force yourself to be an alpha male with the appropriate attributes, but it feels wrong and just not right. I won't be able to be an alpha male physically and psychologically and I don't want to be one now and I advise other betas who feel the same way to accept themselves as they are.