when i grew up- and i can tell you the age of my profile is not mine but the age of my "possibly-daughter" (turned out not to be mine) when i was 22- it was a bit more complicated to act out things; even to walk around as a first generation punk- which i was in my mid teens and my heart still feels that way- was  rather dangerous and taught us some acceptance of the use of merciless violence for self defence against intolerant scum. means that we didn't kill some bastards- but sometimes we were not that far from it. in those times i also grew my first sexual feelings towards my own gender, and to act out these in normal clothes or drag in public were even more dangerous then, because in the eyes of the reactionary offenders you were a weak and defenceless faggot/poof what means: an ideal victim to beat up for testosterone-fueled morons. because we were young and not exactly "schwarzeneggers", running around in drag would have resulted in even more brawls with reactionary cunts (exclusively male cunts, of course), so we kept on being punks, because over the time quite a few of those bastards had made acquaintance with the blunt side of our iron bars, nightstick, truncheons etc.pp. believe it or not: where i came from, about a fourth of the young punks were gay/lesbians. maybe they could express their hate against society a bit better than in drag, but at least theaygot a bit more respect from brainless wankers which had some memories of lost latenight battles in backstreets against us. 

so sadly we never grew the balls to get out of the closet, dressing up fetish and stuff, although we were acting out our sexuality rather openly: completely amongst our friends but also in broad daylight via kissing and hugging in public.

but just as punks and sadly not in drag. and in retrospective i even can't tell you why, because we were in the position for not gtving even a flying fuck: we were living in squats and living a self-determined life for and from the counterculture and a lot of us- like me- still do.

(soon to be continued)