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walking away
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After my encounter at the club with AB, I began to doubt what I had got myself into. As much as the sex-driven side of me thoroughly enjoyed the frequency, variety, quality of sex, and blunt explicitness of servicing my three/four clients, I was also approaching mental and physical burn out. It was becoming harder and harder to juggle the demands of my day-job work and weekday life with my secret life and the client demands of my weekends. I had little time to rest alone, and into my third year I had started to become jaded.
I look back at meeting AB as the breaking point. I felt that my 20’s were when I would live life hedonistically to the fullest and with no restrictions and restraints, but now approaching my 30th year, my emotions were now desiring some normality and security in life such as a normal relationship with someone outside the paid bedrooms and night clubs.
A few weeks after my private dancer work, in the summer months of 2000, I sat down with Mistress R and explained to her that our agreement would be ending. Not immediately but she and I would work towards phasing out my time with my three clients before the end of the year. Mistress R did not say or do anything to counter my seriousness, she could tell something had changed with me and I now needed to move on. I told her that I had enjoyed working for her, but I was also now questioning and afraid whether I would go down a slippery slope if I continued, which I would not later be able to escape. Despite their widespread prevalence in our social and music scene, I had avoided the drugs around me but I was relying more on alcohol to numb the physical and sometimes emotional pain I began to feel more and more.
I was also facing some pressure from my family to return home to their farm. My siblings had their own lives and had no interest in taking on their property, so pressure was now mounting on me to do so – and I felt more and more inclined as it would offer me a clean slate and break from both my mundane office job as well as extract me from the scene I lived within. While I still felt a strong connection with the music, the aches and pain I felt I made me think that I was getting too old for all of the other spectacle and aspects of the scene I surrounded myself in.
As I entered September, I began to break the news to Miss F and the Moneybags that I would be ending our sessions in the next month or so. (I had already ended my client relationship with Lady M the previous year). When it came to Mr. EU, I was less concerned how he may have felt and I decided I would simply tell him when I had my final session with him – along the handoff of the photographs that Mistress R and I had made up for him as a parting gift. However regarding the Moneybags and Miss F, it was a bit harder to extract myself as there was some genuine emotional and friendship bonds built between us despite the business nature of my relationship with them.
Miss F, who I found myself neglecting more and more during our sessions when they paralleled my time with the Moneybags, tried to falsely believe and convince me that perhaps I would still see her but cut the others adrift – but I was firm. She never outright asked me, but during this time I got strong vibes that she was hoping that I might be game for marriage, since I had mentioned I was looking to settle down. She sometimes would be saying stuff as if she was trying to buy my attraction and interest outright.
Since I had already given Mr. EU some photographs as a goodbye gift, I felt I needed to give something to Miss F as well, since she meant a lot more to me than him. Mistress R hit on the idea of making a plaster cast of my cock and then mold a dildo to give her. With this she could pretend when she masturbated that I was inside her. I thought this was both odd but yet intriguing, as well as impossible – but Mistress R had a contact who manufactured boutique sex toys for women, and with their help we managed to get a silicone reproduction made of my manhood. I remember holding it in my hand, recognising it for what it was as me.
As for Mr. and Mrs. Moneybags, they too were reluctant to lose me. When I broke the news to them, I immediately promised them that their mutual secret was safe with me as I both respected and cared for them. A few weeks later Mrs. Moneybags then made a stunning offer to me: their daughter was uncommitted to anyone, what if they worked to set us two up? They seemed to want me to stay part of their lives, if not as a hired lover then at least as a son-in-law.
I found their offer seriously unsettling as I could not imagine having to lie to their daughter (intended to be my wife) to keep their sexlife secret safe from her. ‘I appreciate the thought,’ I told them, ‘but I cannot live that kind of lie. It would be uncomfortable and awkward for the three of us and unfair to her’. A few days later, alone and thinking about what they were offering, I found myself more dismayed and ashamed with them, that they – or, rather Mrs. Moneybags – felt so little concern for their daughter’s own feelings and wellbeing that she’d think of using her as bait to lure me in. When that sunk in, it actually made it easy to stand my ground with them and be gone from their lives.
I cannot recall who and when my last client was, as those final two or three months are a blur to me now, but by December 2000, and my birthday nearing, I was done and had taken my leave of Mistress R. I felt exhausted, like I had run a three-year marathon that had now just ended.
When we parted for the last time, Mistress R asked me ‘Will we ever see each other again?’ – ‘I don’t know, but if we do, it will not be like this. We probably won’t recognise each other.’
* * * * * * *
A month after I turned 30, I quit my job, gave up my apartment, gave away my fetish and goth clothes and gear, or consigned to the dumpster what was impossible to pass along – and bought a plane ticket to visit with some of my relatives overseas.
When I returned ‘home’ a month or so later, it was to my parents’ farm, where I began to take over the family business. In time I met a woman who I fell in love with and we married.
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Posted on : Sep 14, 2022
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Add Comment
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Commented on Sep 16, 2022
@ArchieSlocum - thank you for the comments and interest. I do have an epilogue posting planned that will detail some of what happened to me and others described in my postings afterwards - it may or may not answer some of what you ask in yoru questions, althougb truth me rtold I have been with one same woman for past 20 or so years.
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Commented on Sep 15, 2022
Your saga has been exquisite. To some degree, I was wondering if the Moneybags would want to include their daughter, creating a deeper, more depraved relationship.
Twenty years later, I’m intrigued by your current proclivities. In that you’ve been frank and wonderfully detailed in relating your past, is there something to reveal about your present? Rather than regrets, are you fostering some desires? A farm can be quite the location for a wide variety of sensual and sexual experiences.
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Commented on Sep 15, 2022
Awesome story. Thank you.
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