I've always had this idea that if you had an alternate persona for the purposes of anonymity on the web, it shouldn't prevent you from being okay with sharing the kind of person you are.

I'm here because I'm a relatively inexperiened, married guy of 41. And I'm okay with not being Don Juan.

I was a late bloomer, and it wasn't until the end of high school that I was even heavy petting.

In my first year of college, my longtime crush from high school and I agreed to a scheduled oral for oral trade. That was by far the greatest experience of my sex life to that time by an nth degree. (Looking back, even though it was casual and consensual, I was stupid to not see until too late how smitten she had always been with me - as she had also 2 years prior been my first kiss.)

 I followed that with a string of brief relationships in college, too busy learning the humanities to see the humanity in front of me, with wonderful, intelligent, prosaic, forward thinking women. I was involved with a woman who is now a nationally published blogger. I say that to brag on her achievements, not mine. I knew she was driven from the moment I met her. My only redeeming features were my wit, relative eloquence. She liked my cock too, once we crossed that bridge. Because we met when we were both pretty young, but had to that point, had the same sorts of experiences. She was a virgin, and I was too, and even though we might have had sex, we never did. Just a lot of oral and mutual play. I was 19, and not especially in a hurry. I didn't take it seriously, and I lost her. She was my true "one that got away".

I followed this with a string of forgettable relationships, until my senior year of college, I got sucked into a conservative Christian community, because I got bewitched, head over heels, by one of the church girls who liked to hang out in the college library. She was demure, and blonde, and short, with a great ass and a big chest. And we hit it off because of our mutual love of playing and singing music. Everything else followed, like roaring thunder. Went from humanities to considering divinity real quick.

Again, this was senior year. And because I was soon emerging on the "needing employment" scene, it seemed like the third act in some John Hughes rite of passage movie, I proposed to her, and because I had sincerely overestimated her sincerely held devotion to me, well - I'll spare the details, but I didn't get my life figured out for a while. I was on repair mode, and I sought out people who were vulnerable, emotionally, because I didn't' know how to contend with headstrong women anymore.

I felt weak, broken, and dismantled by a system that was so quick to rubberstamp me. I was looking for many things - comfort, grief, answers. One way I coped and helped me to heal was to begin identifying and demystifying my true personhood. I took up a lot more reading, starting with Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and went down the road of reading up on more history - especially to help myself understand big events like the Mongol invasion, or the significance of 1453 on Eurasian history. I dived in classic Chinese fables like Journey to the West, and pored over romantic authors like Hugo, Dante, Melville, to see the essential quests, interpretations on life's meaning. I needed hope in the future, and growth in myself.

From this, emotional learning for me accelerated - I began to see all the benefits of this. More than a late bloomer in that regard.

 I met my wife nearly 16 years ago. If I count it my way, it was 19 years, but only in passing. I pursued her in the chivalric manner. Much of what I did to enter her life was done with certainty and a sense of desire. Many things she did were too woo me in that classic princess and knight motif. 

It's hokey, but it got my foot in the door, able to  trick her into marrying me. And despite me constantly feeling like the lame horse of the relationship,she does a great deal to inspire me to be my best self. A great wife is a powerful reminder of how good things truly can be.

Our last several years have been great.We just celebrated a teens anniversary and it feels great to me with someone who sees me as a life partner.

Our sex life is fantastic. We have stayed monogamous, are not swinging, and are letting our sexual journey open naturally. I definitely realized recentl that our bedroom mirrors our cooperativity as a team in all other aspects of our lives. We still have our side hobbies and I, my vices - (I like a cigar every once in a while and she has strong opinions against it)... I'm rambling.

I'll leave it there for now. I hope that my fans here, maybe understand and appreciate me being my authentic self for you.Feel free to ask any questions in the comments!