So why am I so fixated on younger women and disinterested in women of my own age?

Who else has asked themselves this question, faced up to it? Did you get married in your 20's and now in middle age are still blissfully in love and enjoy passionate lovemeking? If so... truly....lucky you.

I enjoyed a relationship with my first 'proper' girlfriend at the age of 18. There had been a few dates, some groping, fingering, but she was very different. A choir-girl (yes, really) petite, blonde, loving, submissive. We enjoyed a wonderful 20 months together. I was a virgin, so was she. We explored each others bodies, maybe me more than her. 

Porn didn't exist, so we experimented and made it up as we went along. Nowadays, cunnilingus, anal and squirting are the norm. I quickly discovered a skill for cunnilingus and found her reaction to it a huge turn on. I could give her vaginal orgasms during sex... sometimes she would be so spent before I came that she would beg me to stop. We enjoyed long, long, sessions of foreplay...kissing, fondling, oral, rimming. God, I loved that girl and remember some details of our liaisons forty years later.

So, both studying at different universities, inevitably we broke up. I had taught her a set of skills which she now used to fuck a lad on her dorm. A mutual friend - one of my exes - told me that with some degree of glee.

But Jane was my first love, my first sub, my first fuck... I don't think I've ever fully recovered from that passion. I remember her name, I remember lazy weekends spent illicitly in her dorm, I remember the moves that would pleasure her and bring her to climax. I will never know her like again.