I've decided to put this all down... well... because I want to tell it. There are a few people that know this story, and my journey though what many would consider abuse. I'll say from the beginning that I never considered anything (with on or two exceptions) abuse.  I didn't feel raped, or even made to do anything that I didn't want.  I might not have always understood what was happening... and I do feel that is a wrong.  I do not believe anyone should ever do anything that they're not entirely sure of, or understand what it is even. 

My story starts at a very young age. 

I should give some background before I really dive in.  And you should understand that I'm going to be writing this as I can, and when I feel like it.  It is 50 years in the making, and isn't going to all come out over night. 

I was born in a commune in the mountains of New Mexico.  It's true.  My mother was a bonnafide hippy, who made her way out of Texas, in to California with a little help from her friends, and settled in New Mexico.  I don't remember much about the camp, other than there were a lot of naked people during the warm months.  Most lived in tents... some in the cabin.  In the winter, everyone would move in to the cabin, which as I remember it, was a large, one room building with a massive fireplace and a kitchen.  We moved in to the city when i was about four... so take what I say with a grain of four year old salt.  The place was huge. 

I remember there were a lot of people there.  And I remember it took a village to raise a child.  So things were good.  My oldest sister Jeanene filled in a lot for me over the years.  So much of my recollection is a combination of what I remember, and what I was told.  And perhaps much of what I remember is being told something, and it forming as fact in my mind.  I remember people fucking.  I remember a lot of people fucking all the time.  I don't remember consistent partners.  I know my mother had many.  Jeanene would tell you there was a lot of drug use.  She was six years older than me, and her memory of such things is better.  I don't remember that at all.  But I do remember people just stopping what they were doing, and start fucking.  And it didn't matter where they were at the time, or who was watching... they just did it. 

So my mother was a very fare skinned red head.  Her hair color was the same as Lucy Ball.  Her body was speckled with freckles everywhere.  And in her mid 20's, she was striking.  She was thin, but had curves in the right places.  I don't remember her often wearing cloths, and couldn't tell you if she owned a bra.  Her breasts were ample.... not huge.  And they hung with large, pink nipples pointing down.  She got that from my Grandmother I suppose.  If you took the two women side by side, and just looking at their breasts, it would be difficult to tell them apart.  My Grandmothers tended to be a bit less full and more saggy. 

Watching my mother with other people, both men and women, was common for us.   And she didn't seem to mind anyone watching.  I would find out later in life, that it was something that really turned her on.  

My first sexual experience happened around age five.  I remember she was getting fucked by a guy that had been showing up often enough.  I'd seen him there several times.  We never worried about closing doors in the house, and my room was directly across from hers.  On this particular day, she was evidently enjoying his cock by the sounds of her screams.  He was rough with her.  He would fuck her, then just pick her up and flip her.  H would hold her by the back of the head as he pushed her face down on his cock, telling her what a whore she was, and that next time, he would bring friends to really fill her up. 

I walked in to her bedroom because of the noise.  They didn't pause.  She looked at me and smiled for only a second before her face twisted in what I mistook for pain.  I remember telling him not to hurt my mommy, which caused them both to start laughing.  They took a break as they sat there reveling in what they considered to be hilarious.  I didn't understand.  He sat back against a pillow and reached for a pack of cigarettes kept on the night stand and his zippo.  He pulled one out and lit it.  He sat for a minute not saying a word.  My mother had leaned in to his chest and was just watching me with a dumb grin on her face. 

I told me he wasn't hurting my mom; and on the contrary, was making her feel really good.  This didn't make sense to me.  I saw her being flung.  I heard her being called a whore.  I watched him spank her as his cock plowed in to her cunt from behind.  And I heard her moans, and her screams.  My mother insisted that her friend was making her feel good, and this was something adults did to make each other feel good. 

I was sitting on the edge of the bed taking this all in.  He was about half way through his smoke when he noticed me staring at his cock.  He asked if I wanted to come closer to see it.  I moved closer.  My mother had her hand cupping his balls and rubbing them.  I remember it being massive... but I was five.  Everything was massive to a five year old.  He told me we were alike because we both had one, although I didn't understand the power of mine yet.  And then he asked if I wanted to touch it.  I think I did, but looked to my mother for confirmation.  She told me to go ahead.  And I did.  I remember his cock jumping as poked at it, and wrapped my tiny hand around it as I'd seen her do minutes before.  It was hard, and I asked why.  He told me it was so he could fuck my mom.  That was lost on me.  My mother took the time to explain when I get older, mine will do the same thing. 

It was wet, just coming out of my mother, and the hint of precum was dripping out of the end of it.  I reached to the head, and felt the dropplets on the tip of his cock.  I pulled my hand back, and my mother asked what was wrong.  I think I told her something about it being slimey.  She told me that was when it was best, and she leaned forward and slipped the head of his cock in her mouth.  When she came up, she was smiling and told me that it was a yummy treat.  I looked at her perplexed because for all I knew, the only thing that came out of a penis was urine.  And I didn't think urine would be a good taste.  My face must have shown my confusion because she asked me if I wanted to taste.  I didn't.  Her head moved down again, and her tongue darted out and licked the top of his pee hole as her hand pulled up on his shaft.  He let out a moan which made her giggle. 

"Come on", she said.  "You won't know if you like it until you try it".  And she ran her finger over the top of his cock, and then pressed it against my lips.  Her "friend" sat there smiling.  I told her it was sweet.  And he replied something to the effect of, "like candy", which again, made my mother giggle. 

She asked if I wanted to try more.  I'm not sure why this seemed like a good idea... I don't know.  Maybe I just wanted to please her, and I could tell that she was having fun with this.  Maybe I wanted him to like me... I just don't know.  But I told her I did.  She told me that she would teach me how to get a lot more out, but I had to pay attention.  She told me to do what she did.  She leaned over cupping his balls in her hand, and letting her mouth envelope his cock.  He sucked in a breath though his teeth.  I asked him if i hurt him.  He told me that it did, but in a good way, and that my mom could hurt him all day long. 

She told me to come closer and to grab it with both hands.  I did this.  I could see his balls immediately tighten and relax.   She told me to put just the head of it in my mouth, and to massage it with my hands.  I don't think I could have gotten more than his head in my mouth anyway.  

This must have really turned him on because he immediately sucked in air, mumbled something, and then let out a loud moan.  I pulled back thinking I hurt him, but he grabbed my head and pushed it back down.  The first rope hit me in the face as he was yelling for me to open my mouth.  I did out of fear, and subsequent bursts of his warm cum shot in to my mouth.  I choked as it shot in to the back of my throat, but he held my head there telling me to keep my mouth open.  Cum was gushing in to my mouth and right back out, falling on his spasming cock and my hands.  His hands tightened around my head, and then the pulses diminished.  And he got quiet, but his breathing was wrong.  And I sat there, my head in his hands, cum dripping down the back of my throat and down my chin.  He let go.

I looked up without really moving my head and saw my mom grinning.  I must have had a look on my face like I'd down something wrong because she immediately pulled me in to her, and was shushing me, and telling me it was alright... that I'd done everything right.  And then she kissed me... her tongue brushing over my lips, my chin, and into my mouth.  And now she is holding my head and looking at me and asking me if I was alright.  I told her I was... and her smile spread and became wider.  "Did you like it?" she asked.  I saw her blue eyes shining, and her face flush, and her smile... her brillant smile grow larger.  Of course I did.  Or so I told her.  To be honest, the jury was still out at that point.   But I saw how she reacted to it, and I would want to  see that reaction every day for the rest of my life.  So of course I enjoyed it.  

She hugged me and held my face to her chest, which now was somewhat covered in cum simply due to the amount that didn't quite make it in to my mouth, but clung to my face. 

And then she told me to go play.  It was that simple... and over that quickly. 

I saw that particular friend several times after that, but that was my only encounter with him.  It was the first encounter with my mother... but that's for another day.