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Tim walks into his local pub and sees his good friend Peter slumped over the bar.
He walks over and asks Peter what's wrong.
"Well," he replies, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out,
well every time I see her, I get a huge erection."
"Yes," replies Tim with a laugh.
"Well," says Peter, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage
to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great," said Tim, smiling, "when are you going out?"
"Well I went to meet her this evening," goes on Peter,
"but I was worried I'd get an erection again.
So I got some duct tape and taped my penis tightly to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible," says Tim.
"So I get to her door," says Peter, "and rang her doorbell.
She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened next?" asked Tim, hopefully.
"I kicked her in the face."
There was a young girl of Cape Cod,
Who thought babies were fashioned by God.
But 'twas not the Almighty,
Who hiked up her nightie
'Twas Roger, the lodger, by God!
There was a young woman from Kew,
Who said, as the Bishop withdrew.
Oh the Vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And four inches longer than you.
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