I have always know that I was different than other boys.  When I was little and played house with my brother's friends or our cousins, I always wanted to be the mother or the little girl.  I wanted to wear the dresses and aprons and play with the baby dolls.

I had an auntie who used to dress me in girls pajamas when  I stayed at her house.  Obviously, I loved staying at her house.  She also left out panties for me to wear if I wanted them.  She was very forward thinking - I think my Dad would have been furious if he had found out.  He didn't like it when I cooked and sewed so wearing purple onesie pajamas and cotton panties would have been hard for him to see.

As a teenager, I remember hearing girls talking about getting their periods and being jealous.  I was very jealous of their developing boobs, their makeup, dresses and purses.  Occasionally I would have the opportunity to slip into panties or a dress.  I savoured those moments.

As I got older and bigger, more "manly" - over six feet tall, broad shoulders and handsome - I hated myself.  Knowing that no one would ever love me as a tall broad shouldered freekish man-woman (not how I feel about shemales, sissies, transexuals, crossdressers, gender diverse persons or transvestites - I love you all - this is how I felt about me)(I guess it is still how I feel about me). 

Things were so different then.  Having anyone find out about my girly-side would have been dangerous.  "Fruits", "faggots", and "queers" were beat up every day at school with little or no consequences.  People actually said things like "If you don't want to get beat up, stop being such a fruit". 

I am glad the world has changed so that young people don't have to hate themselves because their inner gender differs from their birth gender.  Support these young people.  Help them access the resources they need to be happy.  And stand up if you see them being assaulted, insulted or harassed.

You are all awesome.

 Lorianne.