I am delighted to announce I have successfully shaved a twat with no incidents of note to report.

I don’t normally listen to anyone because I know best in all matters. However, in this instance I decided to shut my big gob and listen to advice from someone who knows what’s what.

The first mistake I’d made regarding shaving the female vagina is the choice of razor. I thought it looked stylish and it came with a free leather case. It transpires, it is ‘fucking lethal’.

Instead, I must use the rather mundane Hydro Silk which is designed for the job at hand.

There are various products and lotions etcetera I must use and there is a procedure involving bathing & preparation of the area concerned - all of which I regard as professional secrets which I shall keep to myself lest idiots think they can do what I can do (which they can't).

Also, there’s an electric shaver (battery) which appeals to me because it’s electric so I’m ordering one of those together with the bottles and cans of stuff she had.

This new shaving kit does not have the flair and excitement of my redundant kit but should prevent the alarming problems encountered during my learning curve.

Being a conscientious professional in all things I shall practice some more before making this new service available to all the tarts in the world who want their pussy shaved by ME.

I have bought similar accoutrements for personal use. The razor I had to date was even more ‘fearsome’ than the black one I bought for tarts and I was scared stiff using it – which actually helped (the stiffness).

Is there anything in the world I can't do? No (I can do anything and everything which now includes twat shaving)

WARNING: Do not attempt to shave tart’s twats – only professionals such as I am able to perform this task with any degree of success