Deeper.  Ever deeper.  The sides of the Rabbit Hole are very steep.  Falling fast enough now that escape is no longer imaginable.  There is no more theatrical flailing and crying.  It is time to accept that I am falling.

It feels delicious.  The last threads of my rational mind realize that I have an addiction, but such considerations quickly induce Symptoms which quickly arrest any further such thinking.

The Symptom is arousal.  Trying to resist.  Imagining free will or self-control.  Such acts of futility make me swoon with arousal, and it's that special, pink-tinged arousal that sneaks up on my from the inside.  I quickly wind up a horny, grinning manic goon with a mind full of submissive erotic imagery; writhing in overbaked arousal in perpetual self-inflicted near-orgasm.  Picture an erotic dust devil, spinning with its own tightly bound energy; I am submissive and helpless to resist further feminization, which makes me feel horny and effeminate, and around we go in an erotic vortex.  I must submit.  I must obey.  There is a whirlwind.  I pull up my stockings and hold on tight.

All of this happens in the midst of normal day-to-day life.  My Wife and I do the dishes.  We go shopping.  We hide from pandemics.  Just life, going on.