Humiliation. For most people, the last thing they would ever want is to be humiliated. But, for me, I actually like humiliation...I crave humiliation…I long to be humiliated…but if, and only if, it brings me sexual excitement. So, I don’t really want the social outcome of humiliation. I don’t want my ego squashed or my public reputation sullied. No, what I desire is heightened desire itself, the kind of primal sexual desire that comes from the deepest parts of my personality where feelings of humiliation always lie in wait. 

Let me explain five ways I indulge in and enjoy humiliation.

First, most people feel embarrassed and humiliated being caught inappropriately naked, but being so caught actually turns me on. I actually like complying with orders to take off my pants, to take off my underpants, too, to strip naked, to parade around naked, to dance naked, to put on a naked masturbation show, to stand in front of a window naked, to strip naked outside, to drive naked in a car. And all that naked exposure includes an erection, and/or masturbation. This is one large, inter-connected  set of humiliating behaviors that are sexually powerful for me: naked, exposed, erect, masturbating. And, of course, this involves an audience, and that set of observers must enjoy watching; they must think it’s amusing in some way. They don’t want me to stop, they say, “Yes, keep going!”

The second aspect of humiliation that others find abhorrent, but I find sexually exciting, involves words, words meant to belittle, to hurt, to humiliate. May favorite words of that express humiliation involve masturbation. For example, “You’ve accepted what you are, a worthless masturbator. All you do is jack off all day, a worthless masturbator. Whenever you see a woman like me, you have to masturbate.” Any form of the word masturbate excites my erection: masturbate, masturbation, masturbating, masturbator. Similar phrases are almost as good: jerk off, jack off, and beat your meat, I also like commands such as, “strip, pull down your pants, bend over, show me your stiff little penis, I’m going to spank your bare naked ass. I like phrases about using my face: “I’m going to slap you in the face, I’m going to piss in your face, I’m going to sit on your face. I’m going to cum all over your face.” If you’re not into sexual humiliation, all this must mystify and disgust you; but if you are into humiliation, you’re likely getting excited!

A third set of humiliating behaviors involve bending the norms of appearance. I’m stuck being male, but, if I could, I’d become a female without hesitation. Of course, I realize that men have huge advantages over women in terms of opportunity in the workplace and marketplace, that men enjoy privileges that don’t even know they automatically inherit from centuries of deference to males. But when it comes to sexual power in today’s urban environment, women, or rather sexually attractive women hold all the cards. I’d love to be a 25-30 year-old woman with a great figure. I’d dress just sexy enough to attract leering stares. I’d love to wear tight leggings that reveal the shape of my buttocks and also produce a camel toe. I want to feel men lusting over me. In other words, I want to feel something I simply don’t feel as a man: irresistibly sexy. And since I can’t become a woman and feel that hotness, I do the only thing I can, dress up in women’s clothing. For normal men, being caught wearing women’s clothing would be extremely humiliating; for me it’s extremely exciting. I love to wear thigh high black fishnet stockings attached to a lacy garter belt with a skimpy pair of thong panties, a matching brassiere, black shiny stiletto high heels, a wig of long wavy hair, and a face full of make-up: lipstick, eye liner, mascara. I like to prance around in front of a full-length mirror and delight in the sexy figure I’m leering at…which is somehow me and not me. I feel like I’m two opposite magnets, both the one doing the attracting and the one being attracted. I can prance and masturbate like this for hours on end!

The fourth set of behaviors that others find humiliating, but excite me intensely, involve bending the norms of sexuality. Along with humiliation comes submissiveness. Sexually, that means I want a partner to dominate me, to be in control in ways that are meant to demonstrate power, that is, I want to invert the yang of maleness into the yin of passive submission. I want to have sex while lying on my back, a position where a woman stands over me and lowers her sex to my face and rides my face for her pleasure as I have to use my lips and tongue to pleasure both her pussy and her ass, especially her ass. Ass licking is surely humiliating. I put my tongue into the most disgusting part of a woman’s body purely submitting to her pleasure. And because she’s disgusted by me, she urinates in my face and mouth. When I’m not on my back, I’m on all fours, with one woman pounding a strap-on dildo up my ass and another with her strap-on in my mouth. Even better, I forced to service men, sucking their cocks, or getting ass fucked by them, and, either way, having them cum in my face. 

And lastly, a set of humiliating behaviors that are quite abnormal to most, but thrill me, involve my passive acceptance of punishment. I get hugely turned on by being spanked on my bare ass, spanked hard enough that it stings, it smarts, it hurts, but it never breaks the skin; it’s all done in play, for the sake of arousal, pain with a small “p,” not a capital “P.” In the same way, I like being slapped in the face, repeatedly, dozens of slaps, some slow, some fast. Enjoyment of face slapping is only for those, like me, who enjoy the theater of domination. To willingly remain still and offer my face to another and desire them to angrily smack me is an intense indulgence in submission. I like to be slapped in my erogenous zones as well. I like having my nipples slapped, having my erect cock slapped (hard, and a lot), having my cock squeezed, twisted and pinched, exposing my anus and having it spanked (a thin wooden stick, or ruler). Related to all these aspects of humiliation are the willing acceptance of a set of painful stimuli, including having hot wax dripped on my nipples, cock (shaft more than head), balls, ass cheeks, and (especially) anus! I also like these same body parts to have hot oil applied, although this is very tricky, as it has to be exactly the right temperature (too hot is excruciating, and no fun at all; too cold is pretty boring, but just-right Goldilocks is divine!). Speaking of temperature, ice and hot water are easier to play with. I like having ice cubes applied anywhere, but I especially like to sit in a large container of ice water and stay there for several minutes, and then alternate with very hot water (115°F). 

What’s at the core of all this, you might wonder? I suppose Freud would consider my childhood, where I was one of five boys, the weakest and least capable, always the loser, the but of jokes. It wasn’t just being unloved, but being detested, not only by my brothers, but by my father, and especially my mother. Whenever she looked my way, it ways always with a look of disgust, of abhorrence, of loathing. I could feel her thoughts, “Is this child really mine, this disgusting, scrawny, wimpy, nerdy, ugly thing? 

Because I always felt like that disgusting thing she saw when looking at me, I never felt anything other than repulsion for myself. There was simply no identity to serve as fuel to create the warmth of self esteem. 

But that all changed when I learned to masturbate. Yes, yes, yes, how good I felt. At last, pleasure! And then I discovered my father’s Playboy magazines and I felt another layer, how a sexy woman elicited such lust in males. That’s when I put two and two together. I wanted to be that woman that had such magnetic sexual power, and all that desire I felt was charged with the deepest inner feelings of humiliation. As I masturbated, looking at a woman’s naked body, my mouth involuntarily  said, “Spank me, spank me!” 

Humiliate me! It feels so good!