How do I know if I am just a crossdresser or trans? I like to dress FEM and take the female role sexually but don't want to do surgery or hormones.

Being transgender has a pretty distinct and clear definition. It's not about whether you cross-dress or not, it's not about roles (sexual or otherwise), and it's not about surgery or hormones.

It's about your identity - specifically, your innate sense of yourself, gender-wise. If that matches the sex you were identified with at birth, as it does with the vast majority of people, then congratulations - you aren't transgender.

So how do you know, as you've asked here?

If you strip away the things you mention that you like to do, which aren't really good indicators one way or the other, and think just about your own sense of who you are, would you say that underneath all of that you feel like you may really be a woman? Do aspects of having a male body or appearance ever seriously disturb you, or are you perfectly happy with it. What about being treated as a guy? Do you find people interacting with you as a guy, and referring to you as a guy, day in and day out to ever be irksome, and a bit of a mismatch with who you are, or does it generally feel like a good fit?

What about the idea of living day in and day out as a woman? Does that seem like it would appeal to you, and potentially be far better suited to you than living as a man as you presently do? Don't just consider dressing up to go out as one, or play you might engage in in the bedroom, but think about day-to-day life - doing the food shopping, the laundry, taking out the garbage, going to work. Think about routine social and other activities, too. If you have children (or plan to), what about attending parent-teacher meetings, sporting events and so on.

Not every trans person will check off all of the same boxes - individual experiences vary - but these are the types of questions you want to at least start considering if you're wondering whether you might be transgender. If any of the answers suggest to you that you might be, a next step might be to consult a gender therapist experienced in working with trans people, who may be able to help you arrive at a greater degree of certainty one way or the other.

On the other hand, if you are generally comfortable in your own skin as a guy, as your comment about not wanting to "do surgery or hormones" might seem to suggest - and you don't generally find yourself questioning your identity as a male, or thinking life as a woman might suit you so much better - then regardless of whatever else you enjoy doing that might be thought of as "gender-variant", that's likely a pretty good sign that you're not transgender.

And if you aren't, then not wanting to get into cross-sex hormone therapy, and certainly not any surgery, is a pretty smart move on your part. Because gender dysphoria - the distress that so often arises for trans folks when various aspects of our bodies and our lives are misaligned with our internal sense of ourselves as male or female - can be a bitch. And that's what you'd be inviting for yourself by undergoing HRT and/or gender-related surgeries if you aren't someone who actually identifies as female.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-know-if-I-am-just-a-crossdresser-or-trans-I-like-to-dress-FEM-and-take-the-female-role-sexually-but-don-t-want-to-do-surgery-or-hormones