I produced this helpful guide regarding the 2 Metre Rule.

Evidently, it’s shit and no-one want to use it – they’ve never forgiven me over my “Don’t Swallow the Condom” campaign or my Petition to get Spanking in the Olympics

Ergo, I’ve put it on here

I think it could come in handy for tarts wanting to look at my perfect arse

I do things to help the world all the time – whether the world wants my help or not