Let me start by saying the title above is a cautionary tale. I've always known I was submissive, yet denied it through 20 plus years of marriage. You'd think those thoughts would eventually go away, but they don't. 

Submission seeps into your every thought. When I was younger I wanted to be tied and teased a little. Scarves or something, light... fun, escapeable, but it's only some fun with a trusted loved one.

As time has passed and I have denied my desire to submit, I find that things have gotten a lot more serious. I want to be bound with chains, totally helpless, inescapable bondage. At the mercy of a cruel and sadistic Master or Mistress, whose only thought is their own pleasure. Who are amused by the suffering and anguish of a helpless sub. Those thoughts of a bit of teasing have turned to thoughts of being denied long term, many months, possibly years. Light spankings have turned into a desire to be reduced to tears, beaten and whipped until I am hoarse from begging for mercy - and being ignored.

I doubt I will ever find my Master or Mistress, but I live in hope.