Some of my thoughts, however, I found positively stimulating, and a couple embraced both the stimulating and damning. I could not get that feeling of the spontaneous abandonment of my inhibitions out of my mind, and how exhilarating it made me feel.

Wednesday morning, 7am, I reached blindly out to hit the snooze button on my radio alarm. I just didn't want to open my eyes and felt I could sleep for at least another six-hours. I had jobs to do to though. See to my grandmother...wash her, dress her, feed her, and make sure she was settled before embarking on my own morning routines before heading off to work. Bizarrely a rerun of me sitting on Neville, whilst rubbing his cock on my pussy and arse seemed to suddenly impress itself on my mind. My initial reaction was one of contempt, but I let it run and within seconds the feeling of arousal resonated through my body, especially when focussing on the incestuous undertone. My thoughts turned suddenly to when I was a 13-year-old and when, Paul, my brother, tried to get his hand inside my knickers, only now a video in my head was playing the scenario of him succeeding. I started to play with myself and was on the verge of climax when I suddenly pulled myself together My depraved thoughts hit home, I felt sick. I hated myself and wondered if there was something mentally wrong with me. The next few days were a torrid time for me. I did nothing but beat myself up. Other than going to work, I never left my house, and I certainly couldn't look my brother in the eye. I dreaded the Saturday morning when my auntie, uncle, and Neville, were due round. I almost worried myself to a nervous breakdown. I wasn't certain if Neville had it in him to keep a secret, even with his own parents. I would undoubtedly be the instigator...and then my aunt would tell my parents.......

As it transpired, I had little reason to be concerned, other than Neville grinning at me like a Cheshire cat when he saw me. That was until my aunt said, "Neville wants to know if you'd like to go to the pictures with him again on Wednesday?", my heart skipped a beat, "He is too shy to ask you himself", she continued. Neville, embarrassed, disapproved of been made to look like a shy adolescent. My auntie looked at him, "What is you want to see?". Neville replied, "Logan's run". I really didn't want to go there again and held out with a "no" until my uncle butted in. I have never been able to think on my feet, and on hindsight I should have at least come up with a lame excuse, even it was washing my hair. Not for the first time I capitulated to pressure, and if I didn't feel bad enough, I had the prospect of Neville wanting another go at me again, which at the time felt like a huge weight on my shoulders.

The following Tuesday was the first time I had been out since my perverted fantasy. Middies had been decorated with Christmas decorations. I was selling raffle tickets when Len discreetly asked if we were okay for Saturday. I said "yes" like I was conditioned to accept everything thrown at me. I really didn't want to see him for sex. I didn't want sex full stop, let alone having his cock tearing my arse apart. Way to go, May, now you have two meets you didn't want.

As you can imagine I was less than enthusiastic when getting ready to go out on the Wednesday. I was frustrated at what to wear. I didn't want to lead him on but whatever I chose to wear, trousers or skirts, he would find a way through. I just couldn't be bothered anymore and slipped on black tights, a skirt, and jumper. The cinema was emptier than the last time. I was heading to sit by a group of girls. I figured Neville wouldn't try anything on if I was sat next to someone, but when I turned my head to see where Neville was, he was already seated on a chair I had already walked by, and away from other people. No sooner had the film began, his hand was on my lap and trying to stroke my thigh. I made it difficult for him by holding his hand, but he broke free and continued regardless. He was more assured than before and soon grabbed the hem of my skirt and slowly hitched it up. I put my hand down on my leg to stop him going any further and kept it there for most of the film. I could sense his frustration but at the same time pleased with myself and pleased that the film had ended.

Mission one accomplished I braced myself for the next onslaught and it predictably came as soon as we stepped out of the cinema. He never asked if he could go back with me but told me he was. I was under the impression my uncle was picking us up, but Neville explained he had informed his dad that he would probably stop at my grandmother's and would only phone him if he needed a lift home.

Whilst walking home I tried to think of an excuse to keep him out of my bedroom when he stopped suddenly and asked for a kiss. He caught me completely off guard and the only thing I could come up with was, "It's freezing cold, I just want to get home". My uncanny knack for making life difficult for myself struck again when Neville said, "Can I get one when we get to my grandma's then". "We'll see", was the best I could answer, but as any kid knows a ‘we'll see' is nothing more than a means to an end of getting what they want. I intended it to be a delaying process whilst coming up with a good enough reason not to, but forgetting Neville was a big spoilt kid who usually got what he wanted. I mean, an 18-year-old strapping young man who requires his dad to drive him to the cinema! That alone should speak volumes.

I entered the house, trying my utmost to be cool. I walked along the hallway, into the back room, took off my coat and dumped it on the back of the sofa. "Do you want a cup of tea?", I asked trying to put as much space as I could between me and the kiss. I strolled into the kitchen and put on the kettle. Neville hovered over me, "Can I have the kiss now?", he pleaded. I was trapped both figuratively, and in proximity. "Okay, but just one". He stooped over and I planted a kiss on his lips. He looked at me and heaved a sigh, "A proper one". I assured him it was a proper one, but he had no intention of letting me get away with it. We kissed again, and when it came to tongue fencing, he went about it like a slobbering boxer dog, drooling from the sides of his mouth. He wasted no time in hitching up my skirt and firmly planting his hand between my legs. Despite all my reservations, the feelings of shame and degradation, all it took was a hand on my pussy and I was back in the game. Vibrations emanating from my pussy, soon sent my mind awash with hedonistic thoughts. I pulled away only to get out of my tights and knickers. I hoisted myself on the worktop, pulled my skirt from under my bum cheeks and opened my legs like a dirty whore. I couldn't make it clearer what I wanted him to do but he just stood, still in his coat, looking like a confused child waiting for instructions. I wasn't prepared to play teacher. It had been a long time since I had felt like this and I had no intention of letting it go. I laid back against the wall and started to masturbate. It was quite inhibitive with him watching me and so I closed my eyes. It made all the difference. Having my eyes closed and knowing he was there, was far more satisfying than watching him, watch me. I had found the key to me lovely little world again and only stopped when Neville tried fucking me. I opened my eyes, and there he was, still in his coat straining to try and get his cock into me. It would have been better had he not been threaded through his cock through his fly-hole, but no way was I going to waste this opportunity. I shuffled forward to meet him. I grabbed hold of his cock and aimed it at my sweet spot. Neville pressed forward and his greasy tool slid into my juicy vaginal shaft. It was total bliss, but I was unable to get back into my lovely world. I wanted my imagination to go wild but it's so hard when you feel restricted and having denim chafed against your thighs. I said, "Let's go to bed". I jumped off the worktop, grabbed his cock and led him upstairs by it. It remained firm as I helped him undress. I gently pushed him, gesturing, for him to lay flat on the bed, and I climbed onto him. I wasted no time in slipping his cock in my excited sperm bank. I sat with my back slightly arched with my hands on my waist. I moved my hips slowly back and forth. I closed my eyes and sprinted through the archway to my special place. One thing I always lacked whilst growing up was imagination. I could solve puzzles, very good at numbers, typing, but when asked to write a story, my mind was empty. My make-believe world was a whole new thing for me. I felt like the fat kid in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory...wanting to devour everything I see until I could take no more. I started with Neville, moved on to Colin the sales rep at work. My brother, Paul, was calling, I tried to ignore him, and moved on to Bob, from Middies. Paul shouted louder, Mark from the shop floor at work was licking me out as I sucked his co-worker Digger. By now, Paul was right in my face, "Oh fuck it, let's do it!", and so I found myself parked on him sliding over his thick, large oily cock, staring deeply into his eyes. My love socket was charging and sent gentle waves of electrical current through my body. How I wished I would have just gone along with it instead of allowing my anal-retentive self to cast doubts on the specifics. Was his cock this big and fat? How would I even get him to my bedroom? What if he turned me down? Clearly, I needed a lot more practice if I was going to visit fantasy island again.

I opened my eyes and looked at Neville, who had a blank expression on his face. My happy place didn't have the same impact on him and so I put my hands on either side of his head and began to ride him like a cowgirl on an unbroken stallion. He manhandled my tiny tits like they were a pair of squeeze balls, and every few seconds tugged hard on my nipples. It hurt but I was in the zone, not my special place, but the raucous vicious zone, who was aching for her cousin to fill her destitute womb with his seed. I needed his to cum before me, but I was very close, but then his face screwed, his legs twitched, I reached down to my clitoris, rubbing it frantically whilst still trying ride his cock. We climaxed together. I could literally feel my pulsating pussy firmly grabbing his throbbing cock as if it was trying to squeeze out every drop. I wasn't a noisy cummer, it was something I needed to work on. Len often said I would enjoy my orgasms far more if I let myself go but I was naturally a shy and controlled person. On this occasion, however, I did want to yell, but true to myself I held it back and it took the form of constrained groans through my heavy breathing. I wanted to suck and lick his cock clean, something which was now a routine for me, but I didn't want Neville's cum to escape from my pussy. Instead I laid on my back next to him, gazing at the cobweb on the ceiling. Neville broke the silence and asked if I wanted him to sleep in the spare room. I needed personal space to reflect so replied, "If you don't mind". He was reluctant to go but did so after gathering his clothes.

So, to the post coital post-mortem, which had become a bane of mine but it's just the way I was. I anticipated beating myself to a pulp, but I couldn't get there. I was still in a semi heightened state and I wasn't sure if this was clouding my judgement but knowing Neville's baby juice was still fermenting in my uterus was so satisfying. I imagined his tadpoles trying to reach my eggs, which were fiercely guarded by the contraceptive pill. What if one managed to break through the rear-guard and fertilise an egg. I'd be knocked up by my cousin and I found that hugely exciting. I was bursting to go for a pee but wanted to give his sperm the best possible chance, so I tried to hold it in. When that bit of urine involuntary oozes out, you know you've left it too late and so I slipped on my knickers and rushed downstairs. I was unwilling to wipe after peeing and wondered how much seed had been flushed out. The thought stayed with me as I climbed the stairs. I stopped outside of the spare room and opened the door. It was dark but I could hear Neville shuffling. I walked towards the bed, dropped my knickers, and climbed in next to him. It was a single bed so there wasn't much room. I pulled him onto his side, wrapped my leg around him, and reached down for his cock. A few seconds and it was ready to do its job. He grabbed my bum cheek and pumped away. I didn't need my special place, all I wanted was a refill. He found it arduous but eventually shot his load inside of me. I just wanted to go after that but again I needed his tadpoles to try and work magic. We remained in the same position for a good 10-minutes, his cock still in me as we stroked each other and kissed, not that I wanted to stroke or kiss, it was merely a delaying tactic. He started shuffling his hips again and then climbed on top. He went like the clappers and presented me with another load. I was indeed spoilt and as a reward I shuffled down the bed to mouth clean his cock. I needed to stay down there a while as not to disrupt the third regiment of sperm. I proceeded to tongue wash the whole nether region from groin to dome. If there had been a cork in the spare room, I would undoubtedly have used it, instead I made do with a controlled amble back to my room. It was only then I realised I had left my knickers in the spare room.