Ok.

This blog post could go on for miles, but I'll try to limit it to the PORN world. I've got my own set of pet peeves in the 'real' world as well, but that's neither here nor there. 

I 'lost my virginity' to Playboy, as many young men in the 1960's and 1970's did. Airbrushed quasi-celebs baring there all (well, almost all and in some cases, not much at all) in all of their most photogenic states. But that was only the tip of the iceberg. PB was good, but Penthouse was better and Hustler fukkin rocked! (RIP Larry Flynt) Especially the Beaver Hunt section. Real women photographed by real men and exposed for the world to see. Or at least the part of the world that looked at Hustler. 

And hardcore stuff? Hard to come by unless you lived in the right place, but damn! For a teenager/young adult to see a sexy woman with a dick in her mouth, being fucked and licking another sexy woman's pussy? Totally awesome. And then came VHS tapes and "Hollywood" porn  became available to the masses. And amateur porn too as 'private' tapes got traded around. 

Then the God-send to porn-aholics everywhere. The internet. I don't know about you, but Igor and Voyeurweb was THE place to be in the late 1990's if you wanted to see pictures of real women doing real things. And, of course, that's fucking exploded all over the place. 

Which leads me to some of my pet peeves about porn. 

I am not a fan of professional or "professional amateur" or what gets classified as "amateur" porn. The lighting is too perfect, everything in the picture is 'scripted' and even for the hardcore stuff, there's just no realism to it. Even the hardest staged bondage  where some model has welts on her body from being whipped, is bound to a rack and has a dick shoved in every hole looks so fake and so staged that all I can do is cringe at how artificial the pictures/videos look. 

This is especially true of the bondage/S&M stuff as whoever is doing the grip work and the 'wardrobe' with the bondage gear is going totally over the top. You don't have to have perfectly balanced lighting or 32 wraps of rope around a woman's legs or arms and an intricate criss-cross of bindings covering her body for it to be a 'good' picture that incites erotic desires in those with an S&M bent. A little duct tape, some zip ties, etc. works just fine and the set around the picture is far more 'erotica inducing' than most 'professionals' would have you think. Just sayin', y'know? 

And I get the fact that Japanese and Chinese cultures lean a little more to the fetish brigade, but when every third or fifth pantyhose/secretary/rape gallery/video that you find is Asian based? Um. Where are all the African American chicks on the New York subways or Chicago trains at getting felt up and fucked as they make their way to work or home from school? And were are all the teachers from Germany, France, the UK and the US at having their pantyhose and panties pulled down and fucking ten students in the classroom? Or those corporate drones on Wall Street or Silicon Valley looking all hot and sexy in their pencil skirts and doing stop-motion strip and sex sessions with their co-workers? 

Oh. Did I mention fetishes? A couple of fetishes I cater to (because they're of a personal interest) are pantyhose and stockings. Especially when the model/victim/exposee isn't wearing shoes. Yes, I've got a foot thing going, but it's specific in nature and when the photographer manages to crop off a model's feet, if it's a "nylon" picture I'm looking at, odds are definitely not in favor of me saving it. For those sets where the model never removes her shoes? That's a lost opportunity to me. 

And as long as we're on the subject of "hosiery".  

Fuck.

Ignorance abounds. 

PPLZ LISSEN UP!

First up, let's talk material.

If it's opaque, that means you can't see through it, or you can't see through it easily. Even if someone flops on their back and spreads their legs wide open, you ain't gonna see a damn thing!

Fishnet refers to any type of material that resembles a net to catch fish in. The webbing may be loose as you'd find in nets used to catch large fish like tuna, etc, or finer for netting you'd use to catch smaller 'fish' such as shrimp. IMO, there's not a woman sexy enough to make fishnet stockings/pantyhose/bodystockings look good, their bodies still look like ham hocks...

Pantyhose refers to some form of SHEER hosiery, regardless of color (or 'colour' if you prefer) that not only involves nylon/satin/etc. covered legs, but the hosiery extends ABOVE a woman's hips and ENDS at her waist. The 'panty' part may be designed to add support and 'lift' and may have a cotton panel for moisture absorption. However, there may be no crotch panel at all for easy access. At least pantyhose crotches are easy enough to rip out.

And speaking of PANTYhose. Um, ladies? Pantyhose already have panties built in. You do NOT need to wear panries under pantyhose! That's REDUNDANT. Like Paris in the the Spring, there's simply no need. And that includes thongs! If you're going to be wearing panties or thongs, et al, then wear stockings or thigh highs. You're simply wasting time and effort with the duplication. 

Anyway... I digress...

Stockings are the 'original' hosiery and are designed to go from the toes to the mid to upper thighs. Stockings also need to be secured with a garter belt or girdle so the stockings can stay up and smoothly in place. Ladies, keep in mind that putting on panties BEFORE you secure your garters can lead to messy accidents later. Either put panties on AFTER you put on your garter belt and stockings or don't wear them at all (my preference).

Thigh highs are stockings which don't require garter belts or girdles as they have an elastic band at the top to ostensibly hold them in place without additional assistance. This negates the 'panty rule' from above, but alleviates some of the restrictions and hassle factors of pantyhose. (My preference is still 'no panties', but that's just me.)

Tights/leggings are almost always made from some form of opaque material and it appears that some women will wear them in lieu of pants as, in many cases, the material is so thick and dense that even when they're being immodest, their modesty is well protected.  

Knee highs and 'footies' are the bottom part of stockings or pantyhose. They can be little more than nylon slippers that fit over the foot all the way to a 'mini thigh high' that stops below the knee. When women elect to wear pants, this is a quick and easy alternative to other types of hosiery and are great for visual attraction and footjobs.

Ok. Hosiery rant over.

Oh, did you think I was done? Sorry...

NON-NUDE means you don't get to see nipple or pussy or ass or much of anything else. If the gallery title says "NON-NUDE" and there's a picture of someone in there with their stuff hanging out, odds are, I'll click out of the gallery without even finishing. The only word that resounds in my head at that point is "idiot".

And that leads me to all these galleries where the poster says "my wife" or "my daughter" or "my _____" (you pick some rekatuin and insert in the blank) and you can tell from the thumbnails alone that all the pix in the gallery are a professional set of pix and the subject is no more the '_____' of whoever posted than I am. Again, another HUGE swath of galleries I wouldn't click on if you paid me. 

(Ok. You'd have to pay me really well in terms of US dollars, which means I'll never be an ImageFap moderator or admin...) 

One last rant and I'll shut up (at least for the moment). If you repost the crap out of stuff, it gets old. Repetitive reposts of your wife or ex or whoever that've been posted more than once a week go from "good stuff" to "annoying as fuck". Yes, your blonde wife is sexy and she'd be worth A fuck (maybe two or three in some cases) or it's nice to know you're wife is from New Jersey or Perth or Bristol or Stuttgart or Gdansk, etc. but the odds are between slim and none I'll ever have any kind of opportunity to fuck her, so if you REALLY want to make it happen, more information like her name, where she works, what she drives, etc. is a necessity. 

A few times a month here, a few times a month at Newbienudes, put a few threads up at OneClickchicks, put pix on VoyeureWeb (yes, it is still around and doing quite well) and some other sites like that will keep you busy, but if you're truly hardcore about posting pix, try posting pix dating sites as well like AdultFriendfinder, ALT.com, Tinder, Interracialmatch, PositiveSingles, Plentyoffish, etc. and not only will you have enough feedback to keep you going, but you'll rest assured in the knowledge that if you post her enough, someone she knows will eventually see her. (Craigslist was fun until they unplugged the adult part.)

At any rate. 

Those are just a few of the things that annoy the crap out of me about today's porn. I've got more, but those are the highlights (and do not get me started on boots since boots are the anathema of a truly appreciative leg man like me!)

I'm sure you've got your own peeves and it'd be kinda cool to hear about them in the comments, so have at it!