When John drove off, I felt angry and defeated. I wandered in the rain and dark for half an hour or so feeling unhappy and I was thinking about getting a taxi to Gillian's to sleep when I saw a big, middle-aged black man watching me from under a lamp on the other side of the street. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows. Without thinking, I obeyed his summons and crossed over to him and said good evening, sir in a humble voice that I scarcely recognised as mine. I asked him if there was anything I could do for him. He knew what I meant. In that confused instant, I was ready for anything. I might have let him rape me or beat me or even kill me. I wanted him to use me in any way he thought fit. This must be how a nun feels when she pledges total obedience of mind and body, I thought. My lack of individual volition, almost of personhood, was curiously comforting after my trauma with John. The man didn't speak. He turned and walked a few yards to the entrance of an alley and disappeared in the darkness, knowing I would follow in his magnetic wake. He wasn't far inside. He already had his penis out and I saw it was big and hard. I knelt, rubbed its blackness all over my face, noticing the slight smell of urine, and took it in my mouth. He grasped the back of my head with both hands to hold it rigid and began to slowly and deliberately mouth fuck me. The head of his cock jammed my throat with each thrust and my knees hurt on the hard pavement but my whole body sang. I didn't mind him being unhurried. I felt possessed and full of him I thought we could do this all night but eventually he ejaculated and I was a black man's cum dump. The gobs of his bitter tasting sperm burned my mouth and throat but I dared not gag and he stayed inside me until I had swallowed everything and his shrinking cock was clean. He fixed his trousers and walked off, without a word. Still on my knees, I changed my mind about Gillian and woke John on his cell. I told him through tears of inexplicable happiness that I wanted to come home.